海角乱伦

Now that it鈥檚 over, I am coming out of the Christmas closet and proclaiming that I am not a fan of the, euphemistically called, 鈥渉olidays鈥�.

鈥淗oliday鈥� implies fun and relaxation, and I rarely experience either between Thanksgiving and Jan 2nd. I am consequently聽not only聽not 鈥渉appy,鈥� I am usually聽more聽tired and stressed than any other time of the year.

This is in part due to my work as a therapist and a teacher.聽 Both jobs start to simmer around the end of November and reach a full boil by Christmas.聽 Clients either lament the lack of a Normal Rockwell-esque family, or reconnect with their 鈥渇amily of origin鈥� (translate 鈥� the people most able to both display聽and聽activate all kinds of childish petty behaviors).聽 Students face the reality of final papers and grades (and also lament the lack of a Normal Rockwell-esque family or reconnect with their family of origin).聽 Consequently I spend a good month, A) preparing clients聽for聽and then debriefing them聽from聽family gatherings (or the lack thereof) and B) grading papers and compiling and entering final grades (which are also often lamented and need to be debriefed). In short,聽it鈥檚 performance anxiety hell for all involved.

Now add an intra-personal double whammy 鈥� I am unable to create a meaningful connection to the 鈥渂ig three鈥� mainstream religions and am also unable to fake it.聽 Most of the year, this is not a problem, but it gets tricky during 鈥渢he holidays.鈥澛� Granted, over time, I鈥檝e built myself a fine religious-language translator module (disguised as a tiny nose-ring stud, in case you鈥檙e wondering) so that 鈥淢erry Christmas鈥� and 鈥淗appy Hanukkah鈥� and 鈥淗ave a Blessed Day鈥� come through as 鈥淣amaste鈥� (the light in me honors the light in you), and this certainly helps.聽 But there are three things in particular that just make it a rough month for me.

First, I don鈥檛 like the war between the 鈥淢erry Christmas鈥� people and the 鈥淗appy Holidays鈥� people, or the feel of the mainstream-ignored 鈥淗appy Hanukkah鈥� people.聽 My brother would call it 鈥渢he intolerance of intolerance.鈥� If you鈥檙e insistent on celebrating something then get on with it and leave others to do the same.聽 This isn鈥檛 football, there鈥檚 no need to paint faces and beat on chests.

Second, I鈥檓 not a 鈥淢erry Christmas person鈥� or a 鈥淗appy Holiday person鈥� 鈥� I鈥檇 much prefer a 鈥淪wift Month鈥檚 Passing to you鈥� or a 鈥淢ay the Force be With You鈥� (to which I could heart-feltedly reply 鈥渁nd also with you鈥�).

Lastly, I have both a lack of Normal Rockwell-esque family AND a set of mandatory holiday obligations that trigger all that is young and insecure inside of me each December, and that鈥檚 just no fun.

I鈥檝e been working on this for a good 20 years.聽 I鈥檝e boycotted the holidays altogether.聽 I鈥檝e thrown my own.聽 I鈥檝e gone to other people鈥檚.聽 So far, no perfect solution.聽 The closest I get is when spending time with others who aren鈥檛 riding the happy holiday train.聽 We play The Beatles鈥� 鈥淗ere Comes The Sun鈥� and discuss seasonal metaphors for personal growth.聽 Our happiest holiday falls on January 2nd, when life settles back into everyday-sacred.

Having arrived here in the everyday-sacred, I say 鈥渨hew,鈥� and wish myself, and all of you, a Happy Whew-year.

Originally posted on Dr. Betz King鈥檚 in January 2012.

By Dr. Betz King, PsyD, MA Program Coordinator